Saying no?

I have always been a person who liked to say yes. I think It was because middle school and early parts of high school were fairly calm for me. Then later high school hit and so did a minimal social scene, which I thrived on. In college, the social scene blew up. I hopped around. Made gazillions of acquaintances and showed up at every party or social event...because of course if I wasn't there something cool and uber awesome might happen and I wanted to be there to see it occur.

Then I moved to Austin. Its interesting here because I belong to so many different mini social groups, half of them purely on the acquaintance level, and often the "social calenders" directly overlap.

Now, the normal sane person might accept the first invite and turn down the others... but not me. It became habit to accept every invitation-not matter which side of town it was on, and attend everything back to back, overlapped and all. I had always been the person who went to three happy hours in a row. or lunch and dinner out with different groups, or a movie on a whim. The thought of saying..well I can't go to dinner with you because I went to dinner with ____ two hours ago...well..it never even crossed my mind. I remember a Halloween one year where Evelyn, Joey and I drove from south to central to north austin party hopping, and spent more time and energy transporting ourself then we actually got to spend at the parties. Plus, I ended up stone cold sober.

And then money got tight. I'm trying to learn how to say no. Saying something like. " Yes, I would love to do ____. But I just cant afford it. Call me next time." Its very hard. What if they don't invite you again? What if they think you are lying by saying you don't have cash..when in reality you really just don't want to go? What if they think that it is lame that you are 25 and cant afford to go out for drinks?

Its a what if game I am trying to play. My boyfriend and I are taking the little steps ( sometimes, when we remember.) We try only eating out at happy hours. Or buying an entree and a drink and splitting it. But dating is expensive and socializing is expensive. Gone are the days when Victor would spend the money on the dates, and for the past 7 ish months we have been splitting the cost of our active dining and social life. I have turned down some concerts, a few dinners. Tried to buy the cheap things for potlucks and only have gone to free plays. Attend every event with free food or drinks, no matter what.

And while my friends may not understand, or may view my situation as a cop out-- I hope they all keep their cool ass jobs, and don't have to count pennies. And I am certainly not as bad off as most.

Stay tune for my next blog, where I will give you the skinny on having an active social life, while being tight on dough ( I. E. Susie's fav guide to happy hours.)

Be cheap, ya'll.